Becoming the Woman She Needed

Before you even read a word of this story, I want you to look at her:

That little girl sitting with her hands folded too neatly in her lap. The one with the serious eyes — eyes way too old for her age. The one trying so hard to sit still, to be good, to take up as little space as possible.

She looks quiet.

But she wasn’t quiet by nature.

She was quiet by survival.

She learned to stay small so everyone else could stay comfortable.

She learned to read rooms the way other kids read picture books.

She learned that being “good” meant being invisible.

And for years, I let her stay hidden.

Because talking about where I came from?

Her pain?

The things she lived through that no one ever saw?

That felt like opening a door I wasn’t ready to face.

But the truth is this:

Everything I’m building today — every piece of House of Chaos — started with her.

The Childhood No One Saw

I didn’t grow up in calm.

I didn’t grow up in safety.

I grew up in a household where survival was a full-time job before I even knew what survival meant.

People assume kids forget.

They don’t.

Kids absorb.

Kids adapt.

Kids mold themselves into whatever shape keeps the peace.

That girl did exactly that.

The Invisible War (BPD + Trauma + Growing Up Too Fast)

As I got older, chaos didn’t leave me — it followed me.

Into my emotions.

Into my relationships.

Into the way I loved too big, hurt too hard, reacted too fast, trusted too easily, and feared abandonment like it was a physical danger.

Call it trauma.

Call it BPD.

Call it emotional intensity.

Whatever label you want — it was real, and it shaped me.

And for a long time, I felt broken because of it.

The Breaking Point

Every healing story has a moment — a quiet, private moment — where you look at yourself and think:

“If I don’t change now, this version of me is going to drown.”

I had mine.

And no one knew it was happening.

Not my family.

Not my friends.

Not anyone online.

It wasn’t dramatic.

It wasn’t cinematic

.It was just real.

And it was enough to push me into rebuilding myself from the ground up.

The Rebuild (AKA: The Warrior Training Arc)

Healing wasn’t soft for me.

It wasn’t crystals and bubble baths.

It was work.

Messy, uncomfortable, life-changing work.

I learned:

• emotional regulation

• boundaries

• nervous system healing

• better nutrition

• discipline

• self-respect

• the difference between love and survival

I became the adult that little girl in the photo desperately needed.

And I’m still becoming her.

How House of Chaos Was Born

People think House of Chaos is just a brand.

Or just merch.

Or just art.

Or just creativity.

But House of Chaos came from something deeper: a woman who survived her childhood, survived her own mind, and decided to build a life she wasn’t given.

My business didn’t come from success.

It came from grit.

From healing.

From choosing to grow — publicly, honestly, and imperfectly.

I don’t have an empire yet.

I’m still learning, creating, testing, struggling, climbing.

But the foundation?

That’s already built.

Because she — that little girl — survived enough chaos for both of us.

And now I’m turning it into something powerful.

The House of Chaos Era

If you’re here reading this, you’re part of this transformation.

Part of this story.

Part of the rebuild.

Welcome to the beginning.

Welcome to the messy middle.

Welcome to the House of Chaos.

We’re not done.

We’re not even close.

We’re just getting started.